Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Always on my Mind

Holiday season, here we come!   Every year I shake my head and marvel at how quickly the year has passed.  Once again, I can't believe Thanksgiving is just a few days away, and Christmas a month from now.   In my faith tradition, we begin the season of Advent this Sunday.  It is a time of preparation, reflection, prayer, fasting and anticipation for the arrival of you-know-who!   Our Savior.   Jehovah Jireh -God Provider.     I can't help but think about the parallels as we enter into the season of waiting.  As our family waits for news...any news, we continue to prepare our hearts and our home for our blessed baby.

I am somewhat surprised by how hard it's been for me to be detach from thinking about the adoption.    I thought that once the dossier was submitted,  we could just focus on everyday life and ordinary, no-waiting-for-the-mailman days.   I also thought the timing was nice, because I wouldn't be stressed about paperwork over the holidays.   It hasn't quite worked that way.  Every gift catalog that comes in the mail, I think of her.   Should we buy her a gift?   A dollhouse, a Barbie, a babydoll?   How old is she?   Does she know that this will be her last Christmas morning she has to wake up without her mommy and daddy and brothers?   This Thanksgiving too,  she will be missed around our table.  She is already a part of our family, born in our hearts and covered in prayer every day.      I have never looked a girl's clothing or toys before,  but it's impossible not to peek with all of the items on display for Christmas.   With 3 boys, my life has been Star Wars and swords and ant farms, so this is new territory.    I just wish when I felt more joyful about it, but instead I feel sad.  Is that normal?   I guess it's just hard with the combination of an unknown timeline, and few details.   We knew this was part of the process when we started though, and the payoff will be worth every waiting minute.   That is a gift I can celebrate!:)  


  1. I think everything you are feeling is normal :) the waiting is so hard, no matter what is going on in your life! Happy Thanksgiving!

  2. Your heart is so big that it is busting at the seams to give the gift of love to a child! I think it's natural to feel sad. It's the anticipation that mixes & messes with so many of our emotions...especially at the holidays. I remember being a jumble of emotions throughout the holidays last year - read my post from Christmas 2009....I reposted a song that originally came from another blogger. I cried everytime I heard it!!
    I love your thought..She is already a part of our family, born in our hearts and covered in prayer every day...Your child and your family have soooo many wonderful things ahead! Happy Thanksgiving!!

  3. I know how you feel about feeling kind of bummed about everything sometimes. Even though most of the time I am excited and hopeful, sometimes all the not knowing can be completely overwhelming. Who will my child be? (for us its boy or girl also) What will they look like? How old will they be? What will their struggles be? What will ours be? WHEN WILL WE GO TO POLAND? When will we go back?? Ahh!! I’m not going to lie, every month or so, I just let myself have one good cry on all those unknowns. I hear you. I don’t feel like we are waiting for a new addition to our family, I feel like we are waiting for an addition that was already made, but it waiting to come home to us.

  4. Oh, you are certainly having normal feelings. I remember going from the excitement of getting the baby room furniture together, to breaking down into sobs within minutes of each other. Adoption has so many emotions surrounding it, perhapes because we know that it is a process that is completely out of our hands and we have to rely on complete strangers (doing God's work) to make it come to be. I do know that it is "God's Handy Work" and it is truly His Grace that brought us to our BJ! Keep the faith and know that it is okay to think about your daughter! She's already a part of your family!

  5. One piece of unsolicited advice - don't buy anything until you've been with your adopted daughter long enough to know what she really likes.

    I brought toys with me to Poland. My daughter didn't care for them.

    She's a sandwhich daughter between two boys. She likes Star Wars, Cars, Roller Coasters and workbooks with math. She hates pink.

    I'm glad I didn't waste too much money on her gifts before meeting her. It would have been a huge waste.

  6. i totally agree with adoptive parents of three (we have two and are ALMOST homestudy ready if the STATE WOULD JUST DO THE CHECK!). you can't forget your child because you know she's not home.and that she's living parentless. it's not easy.

    hang in there! i'll be praying!